Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
