I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
