Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
