im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
