My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
