Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
