He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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