i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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