for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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