some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
