Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So many bounce houses so little time
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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