Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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