Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
