Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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