..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I die, sorry about rent.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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