Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
