im about as happy as oj after his trial
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
