I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
