okay pat passed out under dana's car
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
