I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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