Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
