i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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