Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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