I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
