Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
