Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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