Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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