And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
