Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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