dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
