How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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