So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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