Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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