so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize