Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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