How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
