You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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