spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
