margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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