girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
