I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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