We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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