omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like a drive thru vagina
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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