My brain says no but my pants say off.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
