He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The power of my boobs compel you
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
