it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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