how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
