I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
