i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
