he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
