so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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