I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
