reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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