i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
