Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
