I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
