why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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