Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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