I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We just shotgunned beers for America
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
