i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
