I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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