saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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