this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
