just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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