I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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