lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
