ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
