Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
