party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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