Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
