So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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