Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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