I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
