those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
