Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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