so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This is the high leading the old right now
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
