neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
