The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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