So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
