don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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