You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
