he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
