the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
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You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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