i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
